032: fly to heaven with a black horse

interview is going to be taken place tomorrow.
though I know it's like ententing an oscar cereomny with no exceptations on having any merits.

the 2 and 3 incidents happened (including missing the plane VmV"....)
made my heart not very settling

plus the toni & guy hair made me a bit too punk in the looking (VmV" x 10)
turning my confidence even lower...

despite the above.
spending half day in the Central Park and wandering along streets without names
I dun have a close feeling.

maybe the answers are already there...


let see.....

031: 我有冇問題

距離有問必答的日子尚有五天

一有空就想著要如何定義自己
會被問什麼

朋友們. 對我有什麼問題??

你有問. 我必想!

030: 九條命

有說人命只有一條
機會只得一次

話雖如此
貪心的人總會嘗試透過故事經歷僭越不一樣的空間

二十四小時之內. 我經歷了兩種結果
今天是裁員的日子
兩星期前以經知道有此安排
內心一直籌算如何潇洒離開
會默不作聲留下一封電郵把他們罵得片甲不流

然而現實總不讓撇脫
因為我還算是半個學生所以保住了人頭
只好垂頭繼續扮演電車女

前一個晚上.
我就是夢到自己真的收到信卻冷靜非常
而後半夜醒了

二十七個人會很消失
公司兩塊變一塊.
大家都不知道可以說什麼
高層擺明頻頻開會卻裝作若無其事
表面愈風平浪靜愈教人心有餘悸

保住工的像保住了命
卻不過是把另一命換在不断埋首把時間消磨之上

如本以為我的ARCHI生涯會如此壯烈結束
看來我比較像幸運的貓兒

029: 遊街

因為自己遲到未能入場
幸而場地SM很好人. 讓我留票看晚場

於是多出了一個下午在SOUTHBANK 一帶閑逛
首先遇見在練習的THE JUMPERS
基本上他們人如其名
是以在城市空間中JUMP來JUMP去拍了短片再放上YOUTUBE
其實難道甚高. 像在看奧運



之後繼續走
就遇見了給人"免費擁抱"的幾個人
我也貪免費, 要了一個
因此得知他們是來自一個叫COUCH SURFING的東東
看了他們網頁就是一個讓人在世界不同地方寄居從而讓人感受當地文化的東東

在拍照時. 也會聽見有人說我的擁抱從來都是免費的
說來也是

在香港這個在美術課有祼女都是有問題的時候
我深深地吸著儘管帶有經濟壓力的自由空氣

028:牀前小品--陳慧

最近生活的繁忙程度直迫香港
不同的天黑放工後街上沒有擁擠的人群
坐著可以"偷雞"不付車資的長長的"貓巴士"回家
總會有些流浪漢和感覺有點不良的青年

不管如何.
打開書.我就有自己的世界

回家已是十時多. 隨便弄個吃的
睡前的片刻完全不想再對著電腦
自己的腦袋也都不想打開

在圖書館借來了陳慧的"小事情"
一個個似是平凡的故事
帶著在公司裡缺乏的細緻情感
還有一點香港的味道

一向都喜歡她的書
最喜歡的始終是"拾香記"
香港人請必讀!!

雖然現在的她多了信仰影響.
有些時候有點刻意

不過. 如果你也覺得工作上麻目了乏味了
也不仿可看看她的書啊

027: Why So Serious?!

星期六晚上看了不恐怖不過讓我十分驚震的Piano Teacher
沈重的心情一直把我拖到現在

跟那齣電影無關
在同一晚上我給媽媽回了封電郵
她當天早上在我跟爸爸通電時. 在背後大喊:最緊要要賺夠錢養亞爸. 餓死我都冇所謂
亞爸還是那句小心d啦

給媽媽寫的就是我如何地清楚自己想要什麼和如何生活
比我一般的網誌長一點點.

在按下回複以前
輕輕又讀多一片媽媽說我不要滿以為自己充滿理想到頭來一無所有

信發出以後.還未有勇氣打回家
不過好像連自己的某種願望都送走了一樣
好像那不再是我的願望了
傾刻間躺在床上的我沒有了半點願景

我想那齣電影之所以把我攝住
是因為當那女教師把所有的熱情傾注於音樂時
在現實中她卻找不到投放情感的場所
以為現實沒有給予她空間. 而最終卻發現自己從來不懂
從來從來都不懂

我害怕自己到最後都是一樣的陶然

------------------------
最近忙碌的生活又讓自己有點緊張
尤其是當我沒法讓自己麻木的時候
就愈覺得被束縛

dark kight的clown說得最發人深省的話是
"why so serious?!"
何必呢

何必呢

何必如此認真

而現實往往就是一種諷刺
演活了活了這個"何必"就以後也走不出來

何必如此?!

------------------------------

就在外面陽光普照而心內灰沈沈的這幾天
這個晚上收到了前班代從香港寄來的一大包斎燒鵝. 司華力腸.叮叮糖....
嘩. 我這沒有太過想念.也沒有特別去關心的朋友. 卻實在讓我很感動呢
可知道接著的數晚又得在公司待到午夜

謝謝你提醒了我. 關懷是一種無聲的行動.
提醒了最近過份依賴文字的我 一切都用不著太刻意 太吵鬧

026: The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

First, I saw the movie.
the story is untouching to me at all.
and I wonder why the "curious" things that happened on Mr. Benjamin is so supervisuat that despite his skin change from old to young, he actually grow as a normal person within his inner heart.

Moreover, apart from the hardship he got through being a sailor. The reappearance of his father is just an excuse for him to have a luxury life in the rest of the year.
and I couldn't see why his father is concidered curel while his left from his daughter was concidered sacrify.

-----------------------------

Then I read the book.
It's just a 20 page story indeed.

There, I found my "curious doubts" listed above solved.

The bady was "born" to be an old man, can talk, can walk and can THINK

His oen father and mother took care of him
His own father taught him to social, when they both looked like 40s,
where he met his love, a normal girl.
He hided his secret.
until his own son born,
but when he told the truth, no body believes him.Not even his wife.
He didn't got a lovely marriage,
when everyone finally found him appeared younger and younger,
his son took care of him, but in a hasty mannar
at the end of his life,
he went to kindergarden with his grandson
and die without remebering a thing ...

-------------
I wonder what the movie would like if such a real story been told
If people hate the writer because of the movie, what a pity for him
I never watched the other movies of Mr. David Fincher yet. But this one really disappoint me.
If the oscar gives so many nominees for this movie,
a movie contain all the entertainment we wanted but without a logic.
If this is concidered the best of the world (or america ), or it's a result of movie becomes more like Industry than creativity.
um....
shall continue to discuss later
lunch time is up.

024: 距離感

現在網絡世界消減了很多時間及空間的隔隋

亦因此而磨滅了很多因距離而造成的想像以及體驗

有此一想法是因為上星期在SOUTHBANK看了”蝴蝶夫人”以後

走回家的路上經過泰晤士河的美麗夜色

不禁慶幸自己的家在北面

需要有一條回家的路

我因此有了想想事情的空間

想一下

好像因為有網誌.

大家就會比較依賴我的文字去替代我實際的生活畫面

但因為文字是不完整的

所以又通過大家的想像

我有著比我想像中多的故事和片段

最近我自己也多了想像一些在香港的朋友

就算有頻繁的訊息交流

好像都不及自己腦海的重組來得逼真

又想一下

蝴蝶夫人本身也可被看作是一個有關距離的故事

天真的女子等了三年終於等到了一個現實

夢被破了. 再沒有想像的空間

也就沒有活著的意義(場刊的英文為尊嚴)

又聯想到

最近認真地看了一片的堤霸王別姬

程蝶衣等了十一年. 而且他其實一早就知道答案

在同一天又看了National geographic 的攝影展

看到一片片我無法碰觸的自然世界

我知道奧巴馬與碧咸

卻還是未知道這許多生物的尋常名字

有一點失望的是現在的照片全是數碼

失了一點難得

而且所謂的世界性

主要的評審和攝影師始終集中於歐美地區

請不用羡慕我身處異地

忘了我一開始說過嗎

這些作品從網站都可以看到

算是我給各位的禮物 : )

http://www.nhm.ac.uk/visit-us/whats-on/temporary-exhibitions/wpy/

023: 設計的意義

項子已在斷頭台上.
其實沒有分別的. 還是得低頭默默工作.

這很可能是我生命中最後的一份ARCHI項目是位於多哈的超級高樓
有超級豪華的商場、別墅、酒店、會所、會議中心
有獨立電梯，而且不是垂直升降的

為供應大廈的需要，三層停車場應該可容納二萬部車輛

一般酒店的浴缸有長2米有餘，除了睡房客廳向陽台，
還有衣帽間，有64平方米 (我們一般的家大約是20-35多平方米)

這夜我在畫800平方米的皇家套房(Royal Suite)
也就是比我家大20倍的"家"
要有自己的gym房, 要有中央的機房.
要好好安排主人和僕人活動的空間

我畫的走廊有2米闊
就算是大人也可以玩"碌地沙"

不知那些錢多得很的那些人最後花多少錢
買下我草草畫下的房間 (當然之後會經多番修正)

只是，這樣的循環有什麼意義？

這些人其實只要高只要大只要相金邊就好
沒有想過有火的話, 就算有樓梯也沒命跑
(好像說得太毒..不過是事實，近百層的樓梯怎跑？！)

好像公司另一設計組，我剛進來時個個也羡慕
現在是被裁的第一小隊

物極必反
奈何貪念沒有教我們想到平衡
倒下時更不會想到別人
連被推倒也自以為是理所當然

－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－
忽然想起
奕卜生的劇作中那從高塔下墜的建築大師

下墜的不是建築
而是建築師的靈魂

最近就是經常被充當是工具
因為設計者不過想為自己戴上華麗的花環
沒有想過為別人生命添色


他們就是眾人認定的大師
這才是最讓人納悶的地方

022: Canterbury Visit

021: 舉步為艱

拿美國簽證，深深感受到當你受制於人，權傾一方時
最正常的問題都會變得不正常

從大使館入口開始
手提電話不能跟身
他們沒有替你保管的地方(原因可從電影the dark kight了解)
於是你得將之寄存於附近藥房，而"保護費"為5鎊，
不止，當你想用eps付款時，他們說最低款項為6鎊. 又多銬渣多你一兩銀

進去以後
不管多久你都要等
身旁的女士從早上十時遞交文件已後乾等到下午二時
我幸運一點，我想大概等了兩句鍾
雖知道進了館內就沒有了時間，就算突然有人投下炸彈，我都沒有選擇(這是香港還是"落後"的好處)

終於到了面試
決定權完全在我一窗之隔的男子之手
他問我報了什麼科目(答案早已在他手中的文件)
又問我為什麼要轉科(我沒有說"關你啥事"的自由)
跟著問我喜歡倫敦甚麼建築物.
為什麼.....
所有的問題他都板著臉問我.....
我想我才是想問為什麼的那位......但我不能說...我用表情告訴他
雖然他最後終於笑著跟我祝我好運
不過我還是隱隱覺得.
那一刻, 他問我有沒有裸睡. 我都要答.

不管如何.
簽證總算拿到了
接下來要惡補一下sketch book.

020: 難逃一劫

Although I have read the entry writtern by G last year and prepared that there could be some shocking moments when coporated with the other students in the competition project, I never imagine at the end I still couldn't aviod the sufferings.

This is the second night I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't get back to sleep.

Things keep running through my head; I questioning others and so as on myself:

1) I knew from the first day I get back from the course, that the site anlysis is not working, the following weekend I back office working but not being ble to fix it.

2) I actually back the next weekend as well, yet the emptiness of the office and no one is willing to devote any of their pivate time untill the last minute is very discouraging. I'm just a normal person, who not even putting archtiecture as my career goal. At the end I became part of them, and went to the cinema.

3) Indeed this is the very last weekend that we have to sumbit the COMPLETED presentation on monday, yet in this golden 72 hours, there are people who could go to play ruby instead of giving a shxt on this thing. ( I really wonder is this something about life attitude...)

4) Not all of them are lazy, some are really passionate. I used to admire her passions and optimisium. Yet, the strong ego of "what a concept is about?"/"how a team should work together"/"what is a design"....... really piss me off a bit that not only her definition is not as convincing as her charming personality, but simply blocking the development of the design from others' constructive opinions. This is something really annoy me when seeing good ideas and design keep sinking and sinking;
5) the climax came, when I wanted to defence for another truely good designer, who is hinder by her heavy workload at the office, being treated as over donminating on the design, but is actually helping to sort the problems out, they thought it was me who felt upset about losing in the morning 's vote on design. (Com'on, I'm a 23 yr old grow-up ; I do have a feeling about finally I understand how Hitlar arised, but I'm not as desperate)

6) so, when they literally taking the form and saying my idea is back, I really dunno what to response.

7) I think I seriously need a hug without a word, a sound, just something to dissolve me

* Above all, I think it's the problem that I am not able to make the situation better; while I could only keep my despair here. I regret about when I defence for other, I didn't bring out another set of definition of design/leadership/teamwork to provide an alternate choice. I still don't know how to put the logic on the table where illogic is being treated as the truth. My scilence seems never being able to penetrate their lousy agrument (on subject like which pen to be used on the sketch, to name the squares from A-J rather than J-A........)
No one is totally right or wrong; but I think I have really missed quite a few chance to make it better. And hence I feel deeply sorry about not being able to defence and protect the design, where the idea is much fragile than I thought itself could stand alone.

p.s. If this is what imperfection is about; but I don't really think this is about idealism.