020: 難逃一劫

Although I have read the entry writtern by G last year and prepared that there could be some shocking moments when coporated with the other students in the competition project, I never imagine at the end I still couldn't aviod the sufferings.

This is the second night I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn't get back to sleep.

Things keep running through my head; I questioning others and so as on myself:

1) I knew from the first day I get back from the course, that the site anlysis is not working, the following weekend I back office working but not being ble to fix it.

2) I actually back the next weekend as well, yet the emptiness of the office and no one is willing to devote any of their pivate time untill the last minute is very discouraging. I'm just a normal person, who not even putting archtiecture as my career goal. At the end I became part of them, and went to the cinema.

3) Indeed this is the very last weekend that we have to sumbit the COMPLETED presentation on monday, yet in this golden 72 hours, there are people who could go to play ruby instead of giving a shxt on this thing. ( I really wonder is this something about life attitude...)

4) Not all of them are lazy, some are really passionate. I used to admire her passions and optimisium. Yet, the strong ego of "what a concept is about?"/"how a team should work together"/"what is a design"....... really piss me off a bit that not only her definition is not as convincing as her charming personality, but simply blocking the development of the design from others' constructive opinions. This is something really annoy me when seeing good ideas and design keep sinking and sinking;
5) the climax came, when I wanted to defence for another truely good designer, who is hinder by her heavy workload at the office, being treated as over donminating on the design, but is actually helping to sort the problems out, they thought it was me who felt upset about losing in the morning 's vote on design. (Com'on, I'm a 23 yr old grow-up ; I do have a feeling about finally I understand how Hitlar arised, but I'm not as desperate)

6) so, when they literally taking the form and saying my idea is back, I really dunno what to response.

7) I think I seriously need a hug without a word, a sound, just something to dissolve me

* Above all, I think it's the problem that I am not able to make the situation better; while I could only keep my despair here. I regret about when I defence for other, I didn't bring out another set of definition of design/leadership/teamwork to provide an alternate choice. I still don't know how to put the logic on the table where illogic is being treated as the truth. My scilence seems never being able to penetrate their lousy agrument (on subject like which pen to be used on the sketch, to name the squares from A-J rather than J-A........)
No one is totally right or wrong; but I think I have really missed quite a few chance to make it better. And hence I feel deeply sorry about not being able to defence and protect the design, where the idea is much fragile than I thought itself could stand alone.

p.s. If this is what imperfection is about; but I don't really think this is about idealism.